WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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