it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
