I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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