My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
