It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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