turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
