textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize