my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
