I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
