don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
