The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
