look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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