does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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