i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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