Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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