wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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