make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mom said you looked used
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
