Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
