I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
