So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
