i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
