If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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