I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
