She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
