all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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