GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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