i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
