Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
