I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
