he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i think i just lost a toe
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
