you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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