I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
