Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
