hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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