So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
