im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
