If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
