i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
