You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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