saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
