I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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