How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
