Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize