So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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