Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
