Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
