my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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