yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
