I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
