i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize