Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
