He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
