i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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