Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
