She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
