The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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