its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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