Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Shame - the story of my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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