so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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