I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
