I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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