Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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