ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize