We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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