Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
