I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
