i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
